2. Troubles of the Heart

 Troubles of the Heart 

With the title of this alone..this could be a heavy entry. So how about we make this a series, call it part 1. Anyways so I am not one to give much love advice but then again I feel I am. I've been through alot, my fair share but I can also say I've learned through most of them.

I would start with a random but with honestly I think I want to hit home on the hardest lesson I've learned by far. It's not that 'Love comes and goes' bs, it's more so..you live and you learn. If I had a dollar for every time I thought I was In Love with someone..well I still wouldn't be rich but shi- I could get me a meal somewhere lol. 

I fell for this shawty so hard I was sleeping over by night 4-5, we went a total of being without each other for a 22 days, in a span of  10 months. You tell me who won't be hurt after being joined to the hip with someone every day (minus the 22 without) for 10 months. 

I went to answer a death note - sorry I got on an airplane, and got married to my high school sweetheart, whom broke me in so many ways but also fixed things in me too. 

I was a victim of grooming.

..You get the point. All of these led to heart break in the worse forms, but they shaped me? So basically when I say I learned a lesson, I learned to not put myself in those positions again. Here's the thing though..what do we do when we constantly making the same choices in regards to our hearts. The answer to that is ..well I don't know. I sit here and I seem to think I make the same mistakes in different relationships, with different people and the outcome though slightly different plots, is still the same.

I fear that I, like a lot of women who are either hyper sexual ,or in my words a "powerful lover", are doomed to love. We are the caretakers of the earth, the one's that may be too much to handle, but know exactly what to give to make someone never forget the love they received . I am..a healer. 

And trust me I didn't ask to be this, it's both a blessing and a curse. Not only do I feel I the damaged cling to me. I feel like I'm healing myself too but too what extent? Now don't look at me funny. I don't mean damaged in a bad way, I simply mean, I do attract people with either:

Mommy issues/Daddy issues

Some sort of diagnosed mental illness (usually around the multiple personalities region) 

Depression (from sitting in the dark to wanting to end it all)

It never seems to fail, and originally I thought it would get better but sometimes the battles seem harder as time goes on. I'm not exactly sure what it is about me I simply feel like I was put here to teach people important moral lessons when it comes to their heart.

However..I on the other hand seem to lose apart of myself. And I don't say that lightly it's simply true. Every relationship both platonic or intimate seems to leave me in shambles when its gone. Im not even sure how I recover. Or maybe I do and I'm too caught up in the next venture to even notice.

Moral of the story..I don't think a heart break, from any type of relationship, is irreversible. Eventually the pain from it will fade into the back of your mind and it'll be a numb emotion you feel every once in a while, and then not at all. Even if you're at that stage where you think you're over it, but in reality its really fckin with you in the back of your head..something will make it better.

But only you know what that something is, and no, it's not an easy thing to figure out. You could potentially be traveling a new path, the same path, or an even worse one. My advice is to do what you feel is best for your happiness in that moment and the near future. Some people have 'Happily Ever After' and some people have 'Happy Until It's Over' and thats okay. Live in the moment and love every moment with every person you run into. 

Don't take my word for it though..

Ch@ot!c Blizz